Episode 47 of "Malcolm in the Middle"
s03e06 Health Scare

Hal and Lois are on the edge of sanity, whispering constantly... meanwhile, Dewey is consumed with caring for the class hamster, Malcolm and Reese plot an escape from their bedroom, and Francis gets ready for an Alaskan rumble. Unbeknownst to the kids, Hal has gone in for a physical and ended up needing a biopsy. He and Lois are crazy with worry about his health, so whenever something goes wrong with the kids, they both overreact. Dewey has brought home the class pet, a hamster named Bernard. It's his week to take care of the little guy and he's hoping to to Lois that he can take care of a dog. When the current school bully sees him on street walking with Bernard (who's scurrying along inside his little orange ball) he tells Dewey that he has the hamster next week and he's going to torture him. Dewey begs Lois to let him keep Bernard, but she refuses. He then takes drastic action. Filling Bernard's orange ball with food, he sends the hamster off to freedom. (Maybe no one with notice that "Bernard" is now a ball of dryer lint in the cage.) Meanwhile, when Malcom and Reese come home they accidentally track mud into the house. When overwrought Lois blows up at them they can't believe the injustice of the punishment: a week's worth of grounding. There's a great party that Saturday night, but with Lois watching the door like a hawk and booby-trapping it at night, Malcolm has to pull out his secret escape so they can go to the party and make out with Catholic school girls. He shows Reese the boards he pulled up in their closet that lead to a crawl space under the house and freedom. Meanwhile, in Alaska, tyrannical Lavernia blows up Francis for painting the kitchen white, and says that the paint's coming out of his pay and he has to start all over again. He wonders aloud if he should just paint the kitchen the color of her dye job. Lavernia challenges him to a fight. Francis soon learns that if he doesn't fight Lavernia the rest of the camp will force him into a coward's parade, or worse... He tries to make up with her but she assumes he's making a pass. He goes to the fight and refuses to hit Lavernia because she's a woman. He's taking a beating until she tells him to go crying to his mommy. Enraged Francis finally fights back: and them punching each other out simultaneously. Hal and Lois learn the biopsy was negative for cancer, but not catch Malcolm and Reese coming back from the party. Reese says he wishes Hal and Lois were dead (a normal comeback in a fight in their house). Hal starts screaming and Lois starts crying, a very uncommon reaction. They're grounded for the rest of their lives. Malcolm finally figures it out: Hal and Lois must be getting a divorce. He and Reese confront them, saying it's a good idea and mentioning they've packed their bags so they can live with Hal. Lois comes back with the news (just to torture them) that they've discussed it, and she gets full custody....